god does my head HURT. [lior.]

Well that's weird...I feel like shit. Why? I didn't drink last night...I don't think...Nope. Nope I didn't...Hm. Lior sat up, rubbing his forehead. He glanced at the window. Sunlight was pouring in through a crack in the blind. Holy shit, that's bright...

Suddenly, nothing was more important than getting his face in that toilet bowl. Hovering over it, he got the lid open just in time for the contents to make an appearance.

"Oh, shit," he said, leaning back on his heels. How strange! He didn't have the flu, that couldn't be it. He hadn't drank last night, so it couldn't be the alcohol's revenge. What could it be then?

Lior decided not to give it too much thought as he made his way back to bed and buried himself in the covers. He was awoken twice more for urgent trips to kiss porcalein, and once to come face to face with his kid brother.

"Good morning, Noblet!" Aven said pleasantly. "You're looking...huge today." Bright Aven smile.

"What are you talking about, fucker, get out of my room." Lior groaned, pushing Aven off his chest. He was so busy being angry at Aven for waking him up that he didn't notice the fact that it didn't hurt where Aven had been resting. Oh well.

"LOL, Noblet, you look like a balloon!" Aven giggled, walking out of the room.

"What?" Lior looked down. When had that gotten there?! Holy shit!

His stomach was swollen to the size of a basketball. What in the hell was going on?! Lior touched it, it was firm. Not a pillow. He lifted his shirt. His skin was streched to accomodate the growth. Holy shit.

"Aven, what is this?" Lior opened his door and called him back in. Aven turned on his heel and scampered back over to him. He poked it a few times before Lior slapped his hand away. "Ouch, that hurts!"

"What did you eat, Noblet? Russia?"
"No I did not eat Russia. Whatever that is. Do you think it'd make me puff up like this?"
"If Russia was Granny Rose's cooking." He said, referring to their grandmother and her...interesting concoctions.
"Well, Granny Rose is dead." Lior said, flatly.
"Then I think you're pregnant." Aven said, crouching down and rubbing Lior's stomach. "Is it Rowan's?"
"Shut up, asshole, I'm not pregnant!" Lior crossed his arms over his chest, which hurt like a bitch, with the swolen glands and what not. "It's not possible."

"Anything's possible, Noblet." Aven laughed, rubbing his stomach one more time. "Stay here, I'll be right back." Aven lifted himself up and left.

Lior, weirded out, sat down on the couch in the living room, mumbling about his stupid brother and how he could really go for a mustard and chocolate sandwhich right about now. Hm. That's weird.

Soon enough, Aven came back holding a little box. "Here," he handed it to Lior, "I stole this from Braden's mom. Look on the back! There's a puppy!" Lior rolled his eyes and flipped the box over. A little dog with a pink tongue grinned up at him. Lior felt a slight pain in his stomach. He grimaced, but otherwise ignored it. He read the words on the box.

So you think you're pregnant! Congratulations! Unless you're eighteen or younger. In that case, you need to seek the nearest abortion clinic. Dial 1-800-555-5675 for listings in your area. Just kidding! Here at Babynme [baby and me or baby in me. see what i did tharr?] we are pro-choice! It's up to you as the woman! Anyways, pee on this. It'll give you the most accurate reading of whether or not you've got a babynyou. =D

Lior looked skeptically up at his baby brother. "Wow. You don't really expect me to...God, you're so dumb."

"What? I don't really expect you to...what? You know I can't read!"
"Never mind." Lior pushed Aven aside and went upstairs and closed the door.

He did what the poorly-worded instructions told him to do and looked at the thing. "Tell me NOW." He yelled at it. It was taking forever! (Noblet doesn't know that they take about five minutes to work.)

Lior set it down and sat on the closed toilet, chin on his palm, exhausted. A few minutes later, he glanced at the stick. A pink plus sign greeted him. He fidgeted and pulled the box out of the tiny trash can next to the toilet. Lior matched the symbol with the box.

Whoa! You're definitley preggers! The box read, Let us know how that works for you!

Ahem. Sighing, completely tired of it all, he tossed the stick in the box and threw it all in the trash. He opened the door to find Aven with his head pressed to the door.

"What's the verdict, Wobbly Nobbly?" Aven asked, watching his brother teeter out of the bathroom, getting pregnant-er as the time went on.

"I'm pregnant."
"Woo-hoo! I'm going to be an uncle! Or...maybe and aunt. Do we know if its a boy or a girl yet?" Aven asked. Lior punched him.

"You're an uncle either way, dipshit."

"I heard that clio were moody when they were pregnant." Aven laughed, tailing his brother. "I'm going to follow you until you have that baby, so if you have it, I can see!"

"See what? I'm not going to have a baby!"
"That's not what the box says!" Aven chirped, happily.

"Shut up. Leave me alone. You can't read." Lior pushed him away. He got dressed, pulled a coat on and went on his way to meet Rowan after he sent word to him.

____

He met him at the park in Dahlin. They sat on the bench.

"Um, so," Lior said, awkwardly starting the conversation. "I know...I'm supposed to be careful...I don't even know how this happened."
"What is it?" Rowan asked, tilting his head and leaning closer to Lior.
"Well, um," Lior looked at his feet.
"Just say it, Lior," Rowan offered something of half-smile.
"I'm actually...I'm pregnant."
...
...
...
"Wait," Rowan wrinkled his nose and leaned away. "You're...what?"
"Pregnant."
"How is that...how is that even possible?" Rowan tripped over his words. "Is that even possible?"
"I don't know, I guess so." Lior shuffled a little.
"...Is it mine?" Rowan asked, dumbly.
Lior turned and gave him a sarcastic look.
"Sorry, dumb question." Rowan admitted.
Lior nodded, "It's alright, I just...I'm sorry I let this happen."
"It's not your fault. How could anyone have forseen this happening? Up until this point I didn't even know men could get pregnant."
"Me neither," Lior shook his head.

Suddenly, more pain shot through Lior than he ever could have imagined. "Ow, holy shit!"!
Rowan jumped up. "What is it?!"
"I think it's time!"

_______

A litte while later, Lior woke up, incredibly sweaty and tired in a bed that was not his, in a white room. Rowan was next to him, holding his hand, a quiet smile on his face.

"What happened?" Lior asked, looking at Rowan.
"You had our baby!" Rowan said, grinning. He looked out the door, and waved someone in.
A small, blonde girl came in, carrying the cutest little infant Lior had ever seen, and placed it into Lior's arms.
"Well holy fuck, I was pregnant." He said, staring at the child. "Is it a boy or a girl?"
"She's a girl." Rowan said, stroking Lior's curls. "What should we call her?"
"Um...I like...Chloe." Lior said. (I don't know where Chloe came from, but I think it's pretty...=D)
"Chloe it is." Rowan grinned, kissing Lior, gently on the lips.

After, he waved some more people in. Aven cheerily led Lucas in by the hand, excitedly teetering over to see the baby. Following, were the Silvers and a reluctant Arden Gold with his parents.

"What is it's name, Noblet?" Aven asked, dancing over, pushing past Rowan.
"It's Chloe." He grinned up at Aven and Lucas. "Say hi to your uncles, Chloe!" By this time Arden had snuck next to Aven to get a better peek at the baby. Even he wore a serene smile.

On the other side of the bed, the new granparents sat eagerly awaiting their turn to hold their granddaughter. Mrs. Silver held Lior's hand and Mr. Silver had his strong hand on Lior's shoulder, his other reaching over to shake Rowan's hand.

Ahh, baby. Lior closed his eyes to take it all in. And everyone knows that when you deliberatley close your eyes in a dream it wakes you up in real life.

Lior opened his eyes to a dark bedroom. He quickly leaned over and turned his light on. He ran his hands over his flat stomach...No baby. He looked around. No Rowan. D=

It was all just a dream.

Alternate Ending!

A litte while later, Lior woke up, incredibly sweaty and tired in a bed that was not his, in a white room. Rowan was next to him, holding his hand, a quiet smile on his face.

"What happened?" Lior asked, looking at Rowan.
"You had our baby!" Rowan said, grinning. He looked out the door, and waved someone in.
A small, blonde girl came in, leading the creepiest child Lior had ever seen, by the hand.
"Well holy fuck, I was pregnant." He said, staring at the child. "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Well, actually, we're not sure," Rowan said, his smile fading.
The nurse spoke up. "But we are sure that it was a good thing you had it when you did, because this little monster has grown to the size of a six year old in just under an hour and we're pretty sure it tried to eat it's way out of you. You see, she is half-vampire, half-human, and she could have easily killed you in her plight to get out. We also know by the powers vested in us by the Goddess Meyer, that this little creature will stop aging at seventeen, when one is at the peak of beauty."

"Whoa." Lior said.

Arden stepped forward. "I will marry this beast, for I am in love with it. Irrevocable love."

._.

The end.

ZOMGZOMG ALTERNATE ENDING=EPICEST WIN EVER
REST OF THE STORY=SECONDMOST EPICEST WIN EVER

I laughed like a million times.

xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
...................
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

AHAHAHAHA.

I.
LOVE.
YOU.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AAAAHHHHHHHH.
i loved it.