Bear. [Finished Story.]

It’s not too hard to not love at all. And I can’t say I never loved once. It’s the way I know that loving nothing feels so much better.
The last night I was with her, we just sat there like we usually did. We were watching the Animal Planet because of her desire to save the world some day. Susan was always diving into lost causes.
After it was over, people would say that they had envied what we had. I would smile and nod, but I only did that because people always feel better if they think you know what they’re talking about.
I fell asleep before Susan did that night. Keep in mind, I can’t tell you if she ever fell asleep, because when I woke up, she was gone. All that was left was a note torn out of the scratch pad she kept in her purse for things like getting phone numbers and leaving breakup notes on night stands.
It said, "Andrew, let’s pretend we’re exactly like we were before we were we. Don't take it

too bad it is nothing you did. It's just once something dies you can't make it live. You're a

beautiful boy. You're a sweet little kid but I am a woman."

Let me be completely honest with you. Susan wasn’t the destination. But I did enjoy the detour. And she did change my life. She didn’t discontinue my ability to love, I just don’t want to. It takes a lot less effort not to love than one might think. And I’m sure the next question is, ‘well, what now?’ That makes sense. But it doesn’t make sense how I just suddenly couldn’t gather the effort to harbor love.
At first I was devastated; so blinded by my togetherness with Susan, that being away from her was just unfathomable. To deal with the emptiness I felt, I got a dog. I adopted him from a shelter and took him home. I called him Red.
Red was affectionate immediately, like Susan. But his love never leveled off and it certainly never ‘died.’ That wasn’t as much like Susan.
She told me I got in her way. Well, she never said it like that, necessarily. "Andrew, you get in my way." But after she spent her whole day on the phone with strangers, talking to them about recycling, and then would come home and not even speak to me, except to tell me to turn the volume down. And she would sigh at me, her eyes telling me exactly what she wouldn’t say. What she didn’t say until I read her note after she left.
Red was cool, and he kept me from being alone. I took him on walks in Central Park when the weather was good, but he was a poor substitute for a girlfriend. So I finally moved past looking for a romantic relationship and I wound up where I am.
It’s so easy not being involved with someone else. You can go places, do things, say things,

wear things, think things that you can’t do when you’re with some one. I get to do exactly

what I want. Someone might get hurt, but it won’t be me. I should probably feel cheap but

I just feel free... and a little bit empty…But that’s a feeling that you overcome.

Today, I took Red to Jersey Shore to play on the beach since it was such a nice day.

That weatherman is a liar, he said it would be raining but it's clear and blue as far as I

can see. I sat down on the blanket I had brought with me to watch him run. In spite of

myself, I found myself watching the couples that had also come to enjoy the beach. And I felt

that empty feeling that I knew wasn’t gone, just hidden. So I looked away.


"Red!" I called for my dog. He happily darted over to me, carrying a stick I hadn’t

thrown. Red offered it to me, his tail wagging. I took it from him and threw it. A few minutes

later he came back, carrying a ball that I didn’t throw. I laughed at him.


"Excuse me?" A voice said over me. I looked up. There was a girl there, holding a

leash with a big, black dog on it. She smiled. "That’s Bear’s ball."


"Oh, I’m sorry," I said, smiling back at her. I took the ball from Red and handed it to

her. She gave it to the dog, and wiped her hand on her shorts, laughing.

"It’s no problem really." Then she knelt down next to me. "Your dog is really cute.

Can I pet him?"

"Sure," I nodded, ruffling his fur. "His name is Red."

"Hi, Red," she said, cooing in his face the way women do. "What a good doggy you

are!" Then she looked back at me, wiped her hand on her pants again and offered it to me.

"I’m Sophie."
"Nice to meet you," I shook her hand, "I’m Andrew."

No, it isn't so hard to get close to me, there will be no arguments, we will always

agree. And I'll try and be kind when I ask you to leave, we'll both take it easy. But if you

stay too long inside my memory, I will trap you in a song tied to a melody, and I will keep

you there so you can't bother me.

[I know the Italics are not there, but there are a few lyrics from a Bright Eyes song in there. They're cited. I would never take from Conor witout citing his work. I love him too much. The End.]

i love you Aven!
i love you Becjy!
and i love this story!