Woe.

As Alecis walked down the hill that led from the ruins to the lake the tears that had been welling up in her eyes finally broke free. Drops fell from her face and she stumbled past her favorite willow tree to a darker spot near the far end of the lake.

Today had been a horrible mistake. Nothing had went right since the first meeting she had had with Charlie in Dahlin. Why did everything suck so badly? Why was her life taking this terrible dip?

All Alecis really wanted was peace. She wanted Li to know that she didn't hate her-she never had. She wanted her to know it had been a misunderstanding, that Alecis loved Li and she would never hurt her on purpose.

Alecis closed her eyes and wiped away the tears from her face. They kept falling, though, as she remembered becoming Overloridian. It was a lonely time for her-her parents had just died and she was no longer allowed to talk to her true best friend.

If only Lolita would listen to her, if only she would try to understand that this wasn't the way Leci wanted anything to turn out. She thought back to the meeting on the mountain. At the beginning Li had looked at her so terribly. And then Rowan...

Alecis' heart was pounded even harder when the Dian Overloridian had shown up. Charlie's squeal, the awkwardness, it felt like a million knives were stabbing her all over. She wanted that-wanted anything that would keep her mind away from the pain that was taking place inside her chest.

Rheis didn't know how to comfort his clio. Rowan wouldn't choose her, he knew that for sure. But for some reason the lines were becoming blurred now. Was he truly wanting the disgusting Dian to pick Alecis? Did he honestly want Rowan to hold Alecis, to tell her everything was okay? When had this change taken place? Why did Rheis no longer want Leci to stay away?

He brushed against Alecis, who was now sitting on the ground, cuddling close to her in the night air. Their hearts were beating together, but now Alecis had no where to go to get away. Her dæmon was hurting just as much as she was.

Rowan wasn't quite sure if it was the right thing to do to follow Alecis to the ruins. He wasn't even sure why he was following her. She had just seemed so...so wrong when she abruptly left the mountains.

But how, how could he possibly justify chasing after Alecis when it meant leaving Charlie back in the mountains? He couldn't. He knew right then, this was the wrong thing to do...A wave of guilt hit him...Charlie deserved so much better than him...

The guilt subsided a bit when he finally saw Alecis. She was sitting on the ground with her back to him, daemon curled up at her side. He could practically feel the sadness emitting from her. He knew that sadness.

Cautiously he approached her, Nym at his side, until he reached her side. Wordlessly he sat down next to her. "Hey," he said after a moment of silence. He didn't know what to say next. What do you say to someone who's feeling so depressed? He didn't know.

Alecis heard something behind her, the fall leaves on the ground betrayed anyone who walked there. Normally she wouldn't have wanted anyone to see her crying, but today the presence of the person seemed so insignificant.

Without turning Alecis listened to whoever it was sit down next to her. She sniffled and tried to wipe her eyes, but she knew it was hopeless-just as the leaves had betrayed the clio, her face would betray her.

She turned away, but then stopped as the clio spoke. It was Rowan, had he followed her? But why?

New tears started as she realized he had followed her. Was he going to tell her to stay away? Maybe that would be best. But perhaps not the best right now.

"Rowan..." Alecis whispered quietly, still looking away.

Rowan didn't think he'd ever seen Alecis look so sad in the three years he'd known her. Well of course he hadn't, in the past the only time they'd seen each other is when they were antagonizing each other. In all honesty, they didn't know anything about each other.

"Are you okay?" Wow, way to start off with a dumb question. "I mean, of course you're not...I mean..."

What did he mean? What had he come here for anyway?

Maybe Alecis didn't even want him to be there. Maybe she'd rather be alone? "Um...Do you wanna talk right now?"

She didn't want him to leave. She felt more comfortable with him there. The rain sprinkled down lightly, the full storm still hadn't arrived.

"Just stay here for a little while. Don't leave yet. Please," she whispered, she couldn't speak normally.

"I'm so confused Rowan. Nothing is turning out like it was supposed to. Not with you, not with Li..."

Rowan put his arm around Alecis and pulled her closer to show that he wasn't leaving anytime soon. He guessed that "Li" was that other girl from the mountains.

"What happened with Li?" he asked, figuring Alecis needed to talk about it.

When Rowan put his arm around her Alecis caught her breath. He was trying to comfort her.

It was hard to talk about Li, but Alecis trusted Rowan. She trusted him more than she should have. Rheis pushed her to talk about their problem with her former best friend.

"She hates me. I-I... It wasn't my fault, Rowan..." Alecis paused, her crying was making it hard to talk right, she was hiccuping.

Sniffing she started again, trying to stop crying. "We were best friends. She was my best friend, then I had to leave. She never forgave me."

She flash backed to the day the Cuir Overloridian had taken her to train her. She hadn't even gotten to say goodbye to Li. And a year had passed before she even got to see her again. By that time she had settled and was the new Overloridian. Li didn't want anything to do with her.

Rowan gently rubbed Alecis's shoulder. "Trust me, Alecis, I know how you feel," he said honestly. Having gone through the same thing, only on a larger scale, he understood the pain Alecis felt.

"You know it's not your fault, but you take the blame anyways. You're angry because you know you don't deserve it, but you're miserable because you feel like you do deserve it. You feel guilty and betrayed at the same time..."

'Who is this "you" you keep mentioning?' Nym asked shrewdly. 'It sounds to me like you're talking about yourself.'

'This isn't about me,' Rowan replied stiffly. 'It's about Alecis.'

'Maybe it's about both of you,' Nym concluded.

Every point he hit fit perfectly with what she felt. And then painfully she remembered he had "betrayed" all of Adhbhar when he left.

And she had made fun of him for it. She had brought it up on so many occasions! She was terrible.

She deserved this. She deserved every ounce of hurt she was getting now. She had hurt him. If someone had brought this up all the time... What would she have done?

Tears flowing again in disgust at herself she revolved and hugged Rowan. "I'm so sorry, Rowan. I never meant to hurt you!"

'Told you it wasn't about her,' Nym said, but Rowan ignored her.

"Shhh, Alecis, it's okay," he said quietly, holding her. "Really...I know you didn't mean anything you said..."

He knew it was true, that Alecis had been hypocritical, but he also knew that he was no better. He didn't have any right to judge Alecis harshly, because he was just as insincere as she had been...At least she was trying to make up for it...

She didn't feel weird, sitting here in the rain with him, hugging him, crying.

She felt like this was where she needed to be. But today, after this drama was over, after she could close up her feelings again, tuck away the hurt from Li, everything would go back to the way it was before. Rowan was with Charlie.

She pulled back from him, slowly, afraid she was making him uncomfortable, even though she was more than at ease with him. "You shouldn't have come, Rowan." But she was so happy he had! She didn't want him to leave. "Charlie is back at the mountains. Go back to her." She sniffled.

"I'll be okay Rowan, really," she wiped tears from her eyes, but at that moment it probably didn't matter. The rain got harder and lightning lit up the ruins. Thunder could be heard and soon it was pouring.

Rowan's guilt rushed back at the mention of Charlie. He knew Alecis was right; from a moral point of view, he shouldn't have come. And he was torn between regret and relief knowing that he had come anyways.

"I can't go back to her," he muttered, averting his gaze. "I can't face her anymore. She deserves better than me."

The rain was soaking Alecis and Rowan, it was chilly and the night air didn't help things. She hummed for a second and air pushed up, creating a dome around the two, pushing the rain away.

"Rowan, don't say that. Go back. You haven't done anything wrong. It's all my fault." She brought her hand up to his face and brought his eyes back to hers, "I'm the one that kissed you. It wasn't your choice and I haven't told her. If you want, I'll tell her it was all me." Alecis didn't want Rowan to be unhappy. She needed him to be happy. It was essential that he wasn't hurting. Even if it meant losing her friend, she would do it.

"Rowan, don't say that. Go back. You haven't done anything wrong. It's all my fault. I'm the one that kissed you. It wasn't your choice and I haven't told her. If you want, I'll tell her it was all me."

"I tried telling myself that," Rowan replied desperately. "I almost convinced myself that I hadn't done anything wrong, but then I saw Charlie today, and she just looked so innocent and virtuous. She cares about me and trusts me and I don't deserve it. She's a better person than me."

Maybe Lumi, his Advisor from Dian, was right. Maybe Rowan was with Charlie because she fulfilled some kind of emotional need, not because of any deep feelings. He knew he cared about her, but he also knew he couldn't honestly say that he loved her.

He was such a terrible person.

"But Rowan, you didn't do anything wrong. I'll talk with her. I'll let her know. Rowan, please."

Why was she trying so hard to keep him with Charlie when she really wanted him herself?

"Nothing about any of this was your fault. It's all on me-that's why I'm having such a hard time with it. Please don't do this. She cares about you because you are so wonderful. She knows you wouldn't do this on purpose. She'll understand everything."

Charlie was devastated. What was going on here? She had come to see what was going on with Alecis and Rowan, but had found them holding each other when she arrived. She crept closer, curious as to what they could have possibly been talking about, keeping her feet from making any noise against the dirt and rock on the floor of the ruins. She wasn't even hiding behind the ruins anymore, she was standing out in the open behind them. She could hear every word that was being exchanged, and from the things she had heard, she gathered something unbelievable. Alecis and Rowan...they had...kissed? No. They couldn't have.

'You heard Alecis say it herself, Charlie,' Mae said, rubbing her beak softly against Charlie's neck for some sort of comfort. 'It happened, and you have to accept that.'

'I don't have to take this! I don't have to accept it! This is...this is awful!' The light rain falling on her may have been masking the tears falling from her eyes. She couldn't believe her eyes, hey ears, her thoughts. She couldn't believe him, and she couldn't believe her.

She didn't say a word. She just stood there, watching them. Too many thoughts were rushing through her head to even wonder if they noticed her standing there.

"It's my fault in every way!" Rowan exclaimed. He wasn't sure why he was getting frustrated. Alecis was being nice. "I let it all happen. I knew what was going on and I could have stopped it before it happened, but I didn't. I shouldn't be here right now, but I am."

He put his head in his hands. "I'm not a wonderful person. I don't know why you, or Charlie, or anyone likes me. I don't even like me."

Rheis stirred from his spot next to the two clio and looked behind them. Through Rheis' eyes Alecis could see a clio.

There, on the hill that lead to the ruins, was Charlie.

Oh no.

More tears fell as she stood up quickly, how wrong everything was turning. And now Rowan would have to hurt more. Her poor Rowan that wasn't really hers at all.

"Rowan, get up." Alecis reached for his hands, "I'm so sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen."

Then she spoke to Charlie, sad and apologetic, "Charlie. I-I..." But she didn't finish. She didn't know how.

Charlie was speechless. She was angry, sad, confused, hurt, abandoned, lonely, betrayed. She looked at Alecis and Rowan and shook her head, looking down at her feet. Her hands were in fists from the anger, but she didn't plan on doing anything with them, she just kept them at her sides. Tears fell to the ground, though the rain kept them from being noticed. She didn't kow what to say, what to think, what to do. She wasn't sure where she was, who she was, who she was with, who she was without, what she was without. Did Rowan not like her anymore? How many times had they kissed? Was Alecis faking not only her happeniss (which she could see right through), but also their friendship? Was Charlie that dumb?

She kept her head down, not wanting to admit that Alecis and Rowan were together. She didn't want to see them near each other. She didn't want to hear them, fell them, know them. Her only form of comfort was Mae against her neck. Mae understood what she was going through to some extent. It seemed like no one else she was close with did.

"Charlie. I-I..."

What? Charlie was here? Since when? Rowan slowly got to his feet, ignoring Alecis's offer to help him up. Sure enough, Charlie was standing there, her hands clenched into fists, her eyes at the ground.

Rowan looked away from her. He didn't want to see her expression. He couldn't stand to see the pain on her face that he had caused. He didn't want to her find out this way...He hadn't wanted her to find out at all...He just wanted her to be happy.

"Charlie..." he said quietly. How much had she heard? A lot, judging by her reaction. "Charlie, if you're angry...and you should be...don't be angry at Alecis...Please give me a chance to explain..."

But Alecis didn't want Charlie to give him a chance to explain. She knew he would try to blame the situation on himself and it wasn't his fault. It was hers. Alecis had caused this.

But what could she say to her friend? A second betrayal. Two friends. And Alecis alone. Why did history have to repeat itself? Why?

She had to try to make things right. As right as they could be under these circumstances at least. She needed to try in any case. For Charlie, for Rowan.

"Charlie, he's innocent. Rowan didn't do anything you wouldn't have done. He just came to comfort me. To make me happy. I'm selfish and insecure and he's everything I'm not. Don't let him go, Charlie. I'm sorry I kissed him. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry that I've ruined your happiness. You tried so hard to save mine."

Tears were falling steadily through her speech but towards the end they grew heavier. This was insane.

Charlie wiped the tears falling from her eyes. She listened to the two try to explain things, but nothing that was being said was helping any. Rowan was blaming himself and Alecis was blaming herself. They were both guilty in Charlie's eyes. She couldn't help but see herself and Rowan kissing for the first time back on Theodore Lane, but the more she imagined it, the more she replaced herself with Alecis. Did Rowan even want her anymore? What was going on?

'Maybe we should just leave,' Mae suggested. 'That might be best for everyone. You can calm down and try to figure out what you want to do, and they can come talk to you when they're ready. It might be best for everyone.' Charlie nodded, finally getting enough courage to look at the two. She could only take it for two long.

"I'm..." she could barely speak. "I'm just going to uh...I'm just going to go." She nodded, reassuring herself that it was the best thing to do at this point. She turned, ready to walk the other way. She started to walk, but stopped and turned around to face them again. She opened her mouth, ready to say something...but closed it again and turned back around to leave. What was she going to do?

Rowan finally looked up when Charlie voiced her decision to leave, but he was spared her expression by the fact that she already had her back turned.

Then she turned back around, and Rowan was looking directly into her eyes. Her face showed pain, mingled with anger, sadness and disbelief all at the same time. He knew this look well.

"Charlie, no, please don't go yet," he pleaded with her. How could he handle another person he cared about hating him? He wasn't sure he could. He didn't think Alecis could either. "Please let me explain. Let us both explain. You're the last person I want to see hurting, Charlie."

How could she explain? How could she even try to make any of this right?

"Charlie..." Alecis called through the rain, "I swear, I didn't do it to hurt you. I..."

What Alecis wanted to tell Charlie to do was to hurt her. To stab her, to do anything that would make Charlie feel better. She wanted to hurt, she wanted to take Charlie's pain away and make it hers. She just didn't want to see that sad look that was on her friend's face. Her insides squirmed.

[[>> It's not letting me delete the post.]]